Find a unicorn without being creepy: a guide for couples

By Aurélien Joubert, founder of Reynelle. Updated on 19 October 2026

Why women don't reply to couples, and how to find a unicorn by showing up as two real people rather than as a request. What works, what rules you out.

If you're a couple looking for a woman for a threesome, you've noticed: you write, they don't reply. It isn't you in particular, it's arithmetic: for every woman open to the idea there are dozens of couples, so she does the sorting. Here's what gets you through it.

Why they don't reply

They get dozens of identical messages a week.
Many "couples" are actually one man.
The message is about what you want, never about her.
They don't feel safe with two strangers.
Nothing in the message makes them want to meet you specifically, rather than any other couple.

Show there are two of you

Both partners in the photos, both in the conversation, both on board. If one of you writes while the other "isn't really into apps", she'll feel it, and she'll be right.

Talk about who you are, not what you want

"Couple seeking bi woman to spice things up": she has read a hundred of those this week. Tell her how you met, what you do on Sundays, what makes you laugh, where you live. That's what makes her want to know you.

Write to her, not to a type

No template. Read her post, respond to what she says, say what you like about her, her specifically. Three honest sentences beat a copied paragraph.

Let her lead

She sets the pace, the place, the time. Suggest a drink somewhere public. Take a no without following up. That is exactly what women mention when they recommend a couple to each other.

What disqualifies you

Pushing. Following up after silence. Suggesting your place straight away. Talking about her as an "addition". And proposing anything in exchange for the date. That has another name: it's illegal in France, and it gets both partners banned.